Sunday, January 31, 2010
There she is....Miss America sort of...
Although I once had hopes of at least competing (in my dreams) in a pageant there were always issues to contend with. One of which was that I have no talent. It's not that I didn't try. I convinced my parents to buy me a few items to encourage a possible audition for the show. My first talent apparatus was a hula hoop. I would stand in our backyard next to the rose bushes for an entire afternoon - hula-ing. Do you know how exhausting it is to be a promising hula hooper?
You have to position it around your waist and gyrate your hips while the hoop circles your body without it falling to your ankles and teetering into the rose thorns. When I discovered that Hula Hooping was not considered a viable talent for a beauty pageant I moved on to another talent. Mom bought me a Baton.
Baton twirling was an amazing talent and was something that was recognized by the pageant people. And so, I stood in the same spot as I hula-hooped and tried to twirl. After twirling for almost a week, getting hit in the eye with the rubber end of the baton and dropping it more than catching it the time came to move onto another plan. Singing was not an option. Everyone who knows me can attest to the fact that the only way I'm an acceptable singer is if I sing SO-LOW (so low you can't hear me). My last hope was tap dancing. I cannot tell you how much I loved TAPPERS. I was so mesmerized by tap shoes I just had to have a pair. I bugged my mother for months on end to sign me up for lessons but most of all for the tap shoes. Imagine having a pair of shoes that make noise while you walk let alone dance? This is where my parents drew the line and squashed my hopes of being the next Miss America (who lives in Canada and wouldn't win anyways). I know my mother will be reading this and still wondering what the hell I am talking about. She insists that I never asked for tap shoes but I remember whining about this for at least two weeks and practicing the art of tap dancing in front of the T.V. so that my dad couldn't see the program he was watching. I never got the tap shoes and I am still not over it. I had to face facts. I had no talent, my hair was frizzy and my only hope of being in anything on stage was dim. I decided to expand my horizons and try out for theatre instead. Some of you already know this so I am sorry to repeat myself but I did get a role in the musical Oliver. Short stint on broadway. I had one line. ONE LINE!