Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Walk in, Walk out and Walk back

Woke up this morning with hopes of finally getting back to the swing of things. The only issue was... still feeling feverish and my cough has now developed into something that mimics a 3 pack a day smoker. Even though I feel like the "walking dead" or better yet like the roses I have in our bedroom......

I decide I must facilitate a plan.

1. GO to the Walk-in Clinic

2. Stop at Java Joes to purchase a Morning Glory Cranberry Bran Multi-grain high Fibre SUPER Large Muffin and a medium Decaf Coffee topped with skim milk hot bubbly froth

3. GO directly to work!

So I made my way into the shower, put my makeup on, curling ironed my hair and went to choose an outfit for my first day back to the office in over a week. I carefully laid out my clothing - all new apres boxing day specials.

New lavender ruffled top, new black long sweater, new lavender belt and a pair of new buckled black high boots. Totally stunning outfit for my "cubicle". I often wonder why I get dressed up for work. I could actually just go in my pajamas because no one ever sees me in my hidden box. The only person that really walks by is the Building and Facilities guy who checks the temperature. This happens twice a day. Twice a day B & F guy comes around and checks the temperature. I like to play tricks on him. He checks the temperature in the morning.....and then.....as soon as he leaves I change the temperature control. Why? Because it is ALWAYS freezing. Summer and Winter.....freezing. So he walks away with his pencil and notepad. He has jotted down the reading, and everything checks out. A few hours later he comes back to do the same thing.......but this time he can't figure out why the temperature has changed so dramatically. I often see him shaking his head and I just walk by and say HI!!! I notice him fiddling with the control and as soon as he is out of sight I tip toe over and touch it quickly and RUN. Isn't it better in the Bahamas?

Back to the plan. I get dressed. Check myself out.  I look pretty cute for a "walking dead person". As I put my coat and scarf on I am sweating like a pig. This is not good because now I have to go out in sub-zero temperatures and actually drive somewhere. I decide to go back to my favorite walk-in next to my local neighbourhood independent pharmacy. I like that clinic. I discovered this place last August when I was "Clinic hopping". A description of a WALK IN CLINIC: A perpetual waiting room filled with a multitude of infectious diseases...if you're not sick walking in you will be walking out.

So I park, walk in and lo and behold the place is EMPTY. Yes, empty! I present my health card and take a seat. Two seconds later a pleasant looking Middle Eastern female doctor calls my name. "DeVorah" she says in a deep accent. I am wondering if she is a "real" doctor. I look for credentials on the wall but see none. Perhaps they are in another room? She has all the high tech diagnostic stuff in the examination room so she must be real. She is also wearing a stethoscope so for sure she's an MD.

 "VY are you here" she asks huskily.  Vy am I here? Because I feel like visiting you just to say hello, I think to myself. "well it's like this....my husband was sick, he leaned over in the middle of the night and gave me the plague. I have a cough, my sinuses are exploding and I have a coldsore inside my head, other than that I feel fine.. (a little peri-menopausal but fine)...oh and I am sweating too".  She then shoves a thermomater inside my ear. Two seconds later I hear a "hmmmmmm" from her. Now she asks if she can listen to my chest. I have to undo my stunning new lavender belt, my stunning new sweater and unbutton my stunning new lavender top with the ruffles. She listens, I breath, she listens, I breath, she listens....I am still breathing. "hmmmmmm" she says again. Then the pen comes out and she is furiously writing on her prescription pad.....writing tearing, writing tearing, writing tearing and finally writing and tearing. Four prescriptions. " So WHAT do I have" I ask?  "vel you av a bronchial inVection, sEENEWsitis, a touch of NEWPOONIA and I VANT you for FULL bed VEST for forty eight ewhers", she answered. FULL BED VEST for 48 ewers?

(does she want me to wear a vest in bed? I am picturing something more like a bedjacket) I call in the virtual translater inside my head for a second to figure this out..... Oh, full bed rest for 48 hours. Haven't I already been full bed resting for the past 7 days???? When I ask her why I still have to be in bed she asks me "if I VOOD rather be home for 2 days or in the HOSVEETAL for longer. I choose home.

Off I go on my next adventure....to get my real drugs. Over the past week I have been only addicted to the over the counter stuff. Now we are moving up to the big leagues. The collection that I come home with is as follows: Pink pills for the chest, Blue ones for the nose, a puffer for the lungs and a nasal spray for the sinuses. Totally hooked up now. Back to Rachel Ray on FOOD, back to the babies being born on TLC back to the Cheering Kleenex boxes and back to my nest to rest which is best to do without a vest.

1 comment:

  1. I love that mug! Debs i hope you feel better soon, but i love reading your stories!

    P.S. I have that nasel spray too for my allergies! ick!