Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Snore me a River, Moody Cable Guy and Missing Kitty report...

This morning while waiting for the Cable guy to arrive to figure out WHY our new modem is not working, I had a real scare. When I picked up our laptop and logged on the screen went into a blue mode with little white stripes. I shut it down. Rebooted and it went to black screen. The dreaded Black screen of death. The computer chugged and coughed and would not start again. I think I may have given the laptop the dreaded H9N4 virus!!!! I closed the screen, placed it in the middle of my bed and wondered if I could revive it by doing CPR? I tried several times to push the green button. Push, push, push ....breath....push, push, breath....nothing. My first one (FO) walked by my room (yes I am still on doctor ordered bedrest) and said, "ma what's wrong?", To which I replied "my laptop is dead, "DEAD"!!! To which he replied "oh, that's too bad".  He then walked over to pet the kitty who has been sitting vigil near my side for 9 solid days now. Uh helloooo? Offer me some assistance here please? NO. He just goes over, falls down on the floor next to Miss Kitty's basket and starts kissing and cuddling her....very helpful. I quickly call Steve. "Steve, the laptop is dead honey", I say. To which Steve replies "ok".

OK???? What kind of answer is OK? "What should I do", I ask? To which Steve replies "you can't do anything ...the power supply internally is most likely shot". This isn't going to work for me. How do you expect me to REST in PEACE without my beloved computer??? I am sitting staring at the four walls when out of his room comes MO (middle one)......"Hi MO baby", I say sadly. "Hi Mom, what's wrong", he asks. "The computer died", I answer. "Steve said there is nothing I can do about it", I say sulking. "Is it plugged in" he asks? "Of course it's plugged in", I say. I look just to make sure and this is what I see.....the plug from the charger is connected to the back of the laptop .......the plug from the connection is NOT. MO is now standing by the Kitty basket me. I am so glad I had the MO. He is so smart.

So who has seen the movie Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? I bet most of you have. Well, remember Willy's grandparents? That is exactly what I feel like. They were stuck in their bed their whole life. They didn't come out of bed until Willy won the golden ticket. That's me on the right. I am Willy Wonka's Grandmother and I'm waitin for the golden ticket !!!!!!

Flashback to last night. Once again the usual routine. I line up the new meds on my counter and start dosing. I am on the one pink pill, four blue and two turquoise routine. I wash up, take my pills, puffs and snorts and I am off to bed. It's 12 midnight. Steve says goodnight and promptly starts in the POOFING stage. I listen to POOFING for about 30 minutes and then decide to put out the POOF by placing a pillow on the "said POOFERS head". This works for about a minute and there is complete silence but for some reason I cannot fall asleep. I am thinking of reasons WHY I can't. I am sufficiently drugged, I have designed an entire wedding gown collection, my nose is quite clear and I am not coughing up a lung so there is no rhyme or reason as to why I feel "caffeinated". Wait a minute. Maybe I am ! Because of my bedriddeness Steve was kind enough to go down to the kitchen at 10 p.m. to make me a decaf coffee and get me a couple of cookies. I have to tell you.... I don't trust Steve in the snackmaking department. Occasionally he mixes up the regular coffee and decaf even though he swears he gets it right I have suffered the consequences of his coffee making errors in the past. Perhaps it wasn't decaf that was running through my veins in the wee hours of the night? As I tossed and turned until 2 a.m. I came to two conclusions A) That my hot beverage was made from the wrong jar and B) Steve snores to the point of no return. I believe I proved that my coffee was tainted due to the fact that a half a very ripe banana was atop the decaf coffee jar during the day yesterday and it still remained in the exact same position this morning - untouched. During forensic analysis it was determined that the last person to touch that banana was YO and he placed it on the CAFFEINATED JAR. Are you following along here? Well, how is that the rotting banana ended up on the DeCaffeinated Jar as per exhibit A photograph? The suspect has been read his rights and is currently under "house arrest". Trial is pending.

Once the Cable guy arrived I could no longer be bedridden with Willy's grandfather. I needed to direct him to the basement where the stupid electrical boxes, wires and modems live. He was up. He was down. He was inside. He was outside and he couldn't find the problem. I on the other hand couldn't find little Miss Kitty (baby) who was now officially on the MISSING CATS LIST.  Mrs. Kitty (Big Mama) is never hard to find because how shall we say....  she's "plus size" and hard to miss. Besides, she has been in the same spot all week with the exception of coming downstairs for her favorite past time - eating! Now I have the Cable Guy (who is kind of being moody) standing in the hallway waiting for me to find the cat. I leave him standing there while I'm darting around calling her name. I look High and Low for this furball and finally find her stuck in the basement looking around aimlessly. Kittteee!!! Okay, all furry creatures are accounted for and it's back to the Cable guy who speaks notsogood English and is talking to me a mile a minute. Here is what he is saying really really fast (I seem to have been lucky over the past few days with my virtual in-head translator)...."YUU HAVE noooo prolims with intoenet. YUU have nooo prolims with modin. YUUU may have prolims with rooter. YUUU may have prolims with FON connecTINS. YUUU may have prolims with comluter..."

Can you understand this man? No wonder he's moody. I just looked at him and replied "hang on, I need you to repeat that to my husband, I'll get him on the phone for you".

Dear Mr. Moody Cable Guy,

We appreciate you coming by today and accomplishing nothing.

Now I can get back into Willy Wonka's Grandparent's bed where I belong.

Yours truly.......

p.s. I took your picture while you weren't looking....ha ha

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