It's been exactly 2 weeks since my body has seen the gym. It was with good intentions that I planned to go today for a "light" workout. I even packed my gymbag last night and placed it near my bedroom table where I could see it. I envisioned getting up, donning my lulu's and going......however that didn't happen. I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 10 a.m. with thoughts of doing nothing but rolling to my other side. I came up with another idea....an IN HOME WORKOUT.... I could finally unpack my Pilate Bands that I purchased after my last headcold episode last Summer. I bought this nifty little package of three bands that guarantee a good workout without having to get dressed and go anywhere.....a DO IT YOURSELF STRETCH and TONE class in your pajamas? Perfect! The package has been sitting around collecting dust for the past 5 months. It was time to UNLEASH these babies and get going. I opened the package and unwrapped the first colored band. There are 3 bands. A light, a medium and a heavy. Pink, Blue and Purple. They match the medication I have been taking all week. I read the instructions. There is a lady on the package who is using these bands in different contorted positions. Looks pretty standard in comparison to the "muscle mix" classes I have been taking so I take the band, wrap it around my hands, place the band on the floor, step on the band and pull the band slowly upwards. I am using the PURPLE band for extra strength because I'm convinced that I AM the
Incredible "Pilates" Hulk. The band isn't moving upwards and it is impossible to stretch. I now move to the blue band (medium strength) ...follow along here please....
Blue band, wrapped around my hands, place band on the floor, step on the band and PULL.....the band is once again not moving and I'm starting to sweat from pulling!!! Is this supposed to be the workout? PULLING AND SWEATING? I take a look again at the lady on the box. I think it may be an incorrect attire issue here. I'm going to try putting on a "gym outfit" to make this more legit. I get out of my pajamas and put on a tank top and capris. Much Better! I now look similar to the lady on the box. Not exactly but close enough.
I'm standing with feet apart, positioned and I lift.....it doesn't feel good...and it's still too tight. I go to the last colored band in the box....it should be easier. Feet apart, band positioned and lift....okay this is getting dumb now....and I suddenly have company to witness this stupidity.....baby kitty is in the room with me wondering what the hell I'm doing. Large kitty is outside doing her own excerise class. She sitting on her butt touching her toes while trying to lick her behind. Perhaps I should follow her lead?
I don't want to give up on the Pilate-ish workout. Out of frustration I change positions with hopes that tying the bands in different ways will make the workout more sensible. I am now on the floor with the instructions, the lady on the box and band tied around both legs. I am completely intertwined with the pink (light band) around my ankles. Okay so now what? Take your feet and stretch them upwards for 12 repititions. Stretch them upwards? I'm stretching but something isn't right here. I am in the middle of the floor tied up.... with rubber bands, I can't go anywhere and I develop a latex allergy which is making me itch! I make a conscious decision to end my "IN HOME WORKOUT". I untied the bands. Roll them up in the box with the lady on it. I then place them next to my YOGA mat which hasn't been used since last year when I when I was expelled from Hot Yoga School for laughing during the Savasana (Corpse Pose) routine. What? I thought it was really funny being the only LIVE person in a room full of corpses.....I had to laugh wouldn't you?
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