Due to our advancing age we no longer attend the late show so we make our way over to the theatre at 5:50 p.m. (for a 6:30 p.m. performance) to ensure that we get good seats. Even though this movie has been playing for over a month now it's better to get there early so that we can establish our "movie time routine". This is how it goes:
1. We get there in 7 minutes so now it's 5:57 p.m.
2. We park (corner spot prefered to avoid door dents)
3. Proceed to the ticket gate
4. Hand the attendant our free coupies
5. Proceed to the escalator/stairs (I take the stairs for a bonus glutes workout while "Competitive Steve" takes the escalator in order to race to the top so that he can win)
6. Proceed to Theatre 3
8. Suck your body and legs in at least 5 times while other theatre goers squeeze past you because you are in an aisle seat.
9. Wait for the previews to start
10. Send Steve for Popcorn
A) you choke on your drink - coughing loudly and uncontrollably as you try to clear the tickle in your throat
B) you inevitably lose most of your popcorn into your crotch and down the neck of your sweater and;
C) you squeek
Oh I know the majority of you don't squeek but Steve does. Flash back to a few years ago. Steve has an "issue" with his two front teeth and goes to his "makeshift" dentist to have a bit of work done. Although this is not a physical and visible issue at present the results of the repair still remains an issue. Especially with me. Are you following along here? Stay with me... You see ...whenever a food product is ingested by my husband it ultimately gets trapped in the small space between his two front teeth. Most normal people would simply take a piece of floss or a toothpick to remove this trapped product but not Steve. He has devised a way to remove it by simply sucking it out with forced air from inside his head. Not only does this miracously remove the wedged product it also is a surefire way to drive me absolutely insane. Insane to the point where I formulate methods in my mind of improving the circumstances. I could remove his two front teeth while he sleeps? I could mix some leftover grout we have from our last construction project and fill THAT space? I could sew a voodoo doll the likeness of his dentist and poke it on a daily basis? I could try to focus on the positives of Steve's noises and document them in case I need them in the future when I need to show that I am clinically able to gain admittance to the loonie bin? Apparantly there is nothing that can be done to improve this anomoly.... I have asked Steve where his so-called dentist lives numerous times and he will not divulge that information.....I believe he is hiding....from me. And so...I live my life with the squeeking, the poofing and all the other musical interludes that Steve provides for my listening pleasure.....I am currently developing a face aid to help. See if you like it and let me know...