Sunday, January 17, 2010

Todays Menu: Discontinued Sauce, Pricey Bagels & Mitten Clips

Last night I decided that I am not stepping foot in my kitchen. I was feeling well enough to do a little restaurant rendevous with my sweetie so off we went. Let me tell you what it's like to go to a restaurant with "Steve Studious". Do you know anyone who studies menus before ordering? Well I do. I live with a Menu Studier, he studies menus at each and every restaurant we go to - last night was no different but I will take you back in time to a scene from last year. Here's how I peruse a menu. If there happens to be a line-up at the front door for a table and the menu is posted on the wall I read it and pick out my meal BEFORE I am seated at the table. If there is no line I walk into the restaurant. Sit down. Place the napkin my lap. Pick up the menu. Look at the menu. Choose my meal. ORDER the meal. How hard is that? Well for those of you who have to menu ‘study” or know "menu studiers" here is the question. Why? Why can’t you just pick something and order already? I start getting anxious when the restaurant has a large menu with more then 5 items listed. Steve needs to go to places that just serve "Soup of the Day" and a "Blue Plate Special. Two items max on the menu. So here's a brief excerpt from our meal at a nice Italian joint we went to for his birthday - October 2009.

Menu sighted. Menu picked up. Head moves up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Keep in mind MY MEAL IS CHOSEN already. Steve is still not sure. Should I get the Chilean Sea Bass, Rack of Lamb or Risotto? “Why don’t you have the Risotto honey, it sounds good”, I say patiently. I am at a point where I say I'm patient but I am really not. My temptation is to take the menu and swat him over the head with it but I try, really try to keep quiet. He is still looking. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Or if G-D forbid the menu is by the page like a booklet, he flips. Flip to the front. Flip to the back..... and flips to the front again. By this point the server has already come over to ask if madam and monsieur are ready to order. “Just give us another two minutes please”, says Steve. Another two minutes? To do what? Write the exam? Steve senses my shifting of moods and takes a deep breath to make the final verdict but will not divulge that decision to me until the server appears for a second attempt to take our order. “What can I get for you this evening madam”, she asks. “I’ll have the chicken appetizer with the chicken entrée with a glass of cranberry and soda please”, I answer. “And for you Sir” she asks? “I can’t decide between the fish, the lamb and the Risotto, what would you suggest”? Steve asks. The server seems uncomfortable with the question. Why? Because those three dishes are from three different planets. Fish is for people who want something light. Lamb is for people who want something heavy and Risotto is for ….well….Risotto is for people that couldn’t care less about their cholesterol. After discussing all three menu choices, the server suggests the Lamb. To which Steve answers “why don’t you just surprise me”. Have you ever heard of such a thing? Why would you go to a restaurant and want to be surprised? You have no reason to. That is WHY THEY HAVE A MENU! No surprises!

Believe it or not this morning was another attempted "gym" day. I woke up. Gym bag poised and once again rolled over and said "night night". I'm still not feeling energetic enough for a workout so instead I set out to get some grocery shopping done. There is a specific goal in mind today and that is to locate a few jars of L & L Grilling Sauce. My mom called me yesterday in a panic that they are sold out of this item EVERYWHERE. This is only sauce that she makes her "famous" chinese chicken with. We are going to her place for YO's 19th birthday this week and we have to ensure that all the "usual" dishes are present for this celebration. As I walk into store number one, I'm looking on the shelf and the woman behind the counter shouts at me "NO!". I look at her and say "excuse me? no what"? "NO, we are sold out", she says. I then say "how do you know what I am looking for without me even asking"? She then says " I know". "So what am I looking for", I ask?. She looks me straight in the eye and says "YOU are looking for L & L sauce and we are sold out", she says. I can't believe it. There is a shortage of sauce and now I am going to run around looking for it with a pit in my stomach. I just know that there is going to be trouble. Sure enough, the next store I go to HAS NO sauce in the usual spot on the shelf. Another conspiracy. A few months ago there was a Farfel conspiracy and now this. As soon as people hear that there is going to be a shortage or a discontinuation of a product they stockpile. If you have recently stockpiled this sauce and would like to sell it on the blackmarket let me know. My people are willing to pay your people......I will meet you in the old railway stockyards downtown at 3 a.m. to make the deal.

So after an unsuccessful attempt at searching for the sauce I go on my next adventure..... to buy some bagels for the boys. This should be easy. As I enter Bagel World I ask for two twister bagels and two regular bagels. The young lady places them in the bag and charges me $140. This is not the first time that this has happened at this place. The funny thing is she doesn't think there is a mistake. "That's $140 please", she says with a duh look on her face. " A $140 for 4 bagels eh", I say totally straight faced. "Do you think you may have made an error on the cash register", I ask patiently. "Uh...Oh...Uh ya, Ha Ha Ha" she says (still looking like a duh). When she makes the correction the bill now comes to $2.75. Quite a difference in price for 4 bagels!

As I am leaving the store I reach into my pocket to pull out my mittens. No mittens. I have this feeling that pair number three are gone. Missing Mittens. I go through this on a yearly seasonal basis. I get into my car and turn on the heat. I take my mittens off and place them on my lap ....I then exit my car and my mittens drop off into the parking lot. I am thinking of getting mitten clips like the ones I used to put on the kids jackets when they were little. What I may do this week is post signs throughout the city as well.

"LOST MITTENS. Have you seen them? Generous Reward if returned dry and in a pair"

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