Saturday, December 11, 2010

Season Two - The Witches of Quogue Return - Part One

Let me ask you a quick question. Did you miss me? I did.

As you may have noticed, my "narsbar life" went on hiatus while I was consumed with a few projects over the past 3 months. During the time I was BLOGLESS I contemplated different career paths should my current stint in politics run its course.  Here were my top 10 choices and the pros and cons of these possible employment opportunites:

1. Cocktail lounge singer. 
Pros: I get to wear sequins and false eyelashes (even in the daytime)
Cons: I hate cocktails and can't sing.

2. Carpenter
Pros: I get to work with tools all day
Cons: I can't unscrew a bottle cap let alone build a house

3. Ice Cream taster
Pros: I like ice cream
Cons: I only like one flavour and it's fattening

4. Easter Egg Decorator
Pros: I would clearly fulfill my spiritual desire for arts and crafts
Cons: It's a seasonal job

5. Radio City Rockette
Pros: Dancing with a bunch of cloned bitches for a living
Cons: My legs are not the right dimension

6. Psychologist
Pros: I get to work with tools all day and don't have to build anything
Cons: I get to work with tools all day and don't GET to build anything

7. Fortune Cookie Author
Pros: Writing brillliant quotes on miniscule pieces of paper
Cons: Having someone reading your quotes and adding "IN BED" at the end of each one

8. Private Detective
Pros: Hiding and seeking
Cons: Finding and telling

9. Customs Agent
Pros: Watching people squirm
Cons: Sifting through dirty laundry (not much different that I'm doing now)

and my top choice

10. Television Weather Girl
Pros: Steve will watch me every 10 minutes as he is ADDICTED to the Weather Channel
Cons: Steve will continue being addicted to the weather channel

On October 25th I confirmed that my possible career choices were put on hold and I'm not quitting (or being booted out of my day job).... in other words.....we got re-elected.

It was a relief but the stress had gotten out of hand and I needed a break. We had planned another trip to the Hamptons to visit my niece, nephew and their baby. The reason for this visit was two-fold:
1. I needed a new frying pan
2. I needed to experience an American Thanksgiving

So I packed my suitcase (large and light), took one of my closest friends from the office and hopped on a plane to NYC.

It seemed like we were just there but it four months had past since our last visit. Steve was planning on joining me there but had to change his plans due to work related issues plus he also wanted to try to watch the 216th repeat of his favorite movie -Top Gun.
We arrived in Quogue with some of the original cast from our Season One blog but we now had a new member joining us - Anita. Our week was mapped out with a multitude of cooking,eating and shopping projects.

Not to mention some quality time with the baby. My niece needed to attend two events during our stay. One was a baby shower and the other was a pre-school registration back in the City. Anita and I were more than willing to spend time with the little guy. How bad could it be? After all...I was a seasoned parent and Anita was a baby magnet. On day one of "Babysitters in Paradise", we tried watching Sesame Street with the little angel. After sitting on Auntie Anita and Auntie Debs lap for exactly 28 seconds the "angel" got restless. What transpired next was not premeditated and in no way punishable by law because..... I did NOT drop the baby.

After the dangling incident we moved on to feeding and changing. Remember something I have had three of my own children...the problem is...I can't remember how and why I took care of them so I needed to practice again. Anita took charge and we soon discovered that the "Angel" preferred to throw his food on the floor rather than eat it from his plate. Fearing the worst (that the child would go to bed hungry) we instated the 5 second rule. If it's picked up off the ground within 5 seconds it's still a viable comodity and can be consumed without fear of being poisoned. At one point we had the "Angel" eating right out of our hands. Simple zoo concept method.

 Once dinner was over it was time for the "adults" to get cooking. Meanwhile back in the kitchen "Angel" thought it would be fun to ransack his mother's cupboards. We were not certain if this was on the "ALLOWED LIST OF THINGS TO DO" but desperate times require desperate measures and besides "Angel's mother wasn't around.

Once we tuckered the Angel G. Man out it was time for some rest and relaxation by the Big Screen. Our fee for babysitting was cheap - we wanted to watch Sex and the City II on the Movie Network while sipping SleepyTime Tea and eating biscuits. Tomorrow was another day.........

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