Little Miss Party would be on call (albeit 8 months pregnant) to throw her sister a bash that she would never forget? As part and parcel of this event, there were a few projects that entailed the expert hands of Uncle Steve and Auntie Debs to partake in. The project list also included a side-bar with a much needed task - Uncle Steve needed to plant a vegetable/flower garden this year in the Hamps. Here's what took place over the course of the first 3 days of our trip out east.
9:30 a.m. - Mommy and Steve depart for Riverhead - Where the stores are...
"push, push, push that tush"!
BPT "BOOGER PATROL TEAM" to be called in). On a scale of 1 to 10 this is probably considered a gross factor of 20 here...don't say I didn't warn you. And as far as this pictorial of the said "booger" on the said 'boogie" ....don't get the wrong idea...at NO TIME did he ever consume his snot. Are you gagging yet? Thought so.
I have changed many diapers in my life (3 boys) but I don't recall if they had pullups 21 years ago. My thoughts were...NO. My niece left his porta-potty on the porch for me and asked if I would mind training him while she was gone for 2 hours....OH SURE....that didn't exactly work....although I gave it my best shot by asking Mr. G. if he thought his potty was cool to which he replied "yes" as he ran past it.
Uncle Steve, otherwise known as "the Manny", or as Mr. G. calls him Uncle FEEVE organized all the plantings for a vegetable and flower garden. When Uncle FEEVE tackles a project such as this he does so with finesse and SPEED. It is always great to have an extra pair of hands to help you get the job done quickly. Mr. G. was delighted to assist UNTIL the act of planting the plant occured and he actually got DIRT on his hands. At this point he hopped into his motorized vehicle and quickly sped away after being FIRED by Uncle FEEVE. Mr. G. was handed his pink slip which stated the grounds for dismissal: Employee is a LOUSY GARDENER. *Now we had something in common...we both lost our jobs that day.
Day 3 (in the evening): - HOW TO TORTURE A LOBSTER UNTIL IT POOS IN YOUR SINK.
All I can say about this one is I have to hand it to Steve to turn a meal preparation into a scene from DEXTER. The short version of this story is the correct and incorrect way to conduct yourself while making steamed lobster in another person's home.
CORRECT WAY: Place your lobsters in the sink and rinse them gently while boiling a large pot of water on the stove. Do not remove rubber bands to release the claws until ready for immersion.
INCORRECT WAY (or Steve Dexter's WAY): Place your lobsters in the sink and fling off the rubber bands with a knife. Turn the water on full blast and aim it on a lobster to see if it starts moving. Pick up two lobsters in your hands and place them close to each other to see if they will FIGHT. Have the lobster slip from your hands and fall into the sink causing them to get distressed.
Water them again until one of the lobsters sh*t themselves in the sink sending the hostess into a tizzy. At this point even though the lobsters looked amazing my niece was suffering from post traumatic stress disorder associated with the serial killing of these sea creatures. Not to mention the poo that hit her sink in a very unappetizing way. That however didn't stop her from a "photo-op" with her red friends. If you are ever in the mood for seafood, Steve is thinking of opening up a restaurant and calling it "The Lobster Mobster".
Days 4,5,6,7,8 and 9....to be continued.. Stay with me for CAMP HAMPS - PART TWO