Monday, June 11, 2012

Not Quiet in Quogue with Queasy Rider (Triple Q)

Let's get this out of the way right now...I'm SORRY ! I've been Missing In Action for the past 10 months doing some of this and some of that. After my last blog, I decided to take my obsession with fitness/training to the next level. I created my own class within the group of my office colleagues and we workout together twice a week in the lower level of the building. We focus on High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) which translates to trying to survive the 40 minutes without DYING and no one finding us down there. The classes require loads of planning followed by a detailed newsletter which requires THOUGHT and imagination (both of which I am pretty good at if I do say so myself). Here's what the future holds... I going to be starting a FITNESS BLOG (Triple B with Coach T.) If you haven't given up on me....hang on.....I guarantee you will LOVE IT!

So, now that I have explained my absence, let's get down to business. Brief recap of the last 10 months events:

September: nothing
October: Steve hits freedom 55
November: (My mom celebrated her 90th birthday, we threw her a surprise party without YELLING surprise too loudly)

December: nothing
January: YO turned 21 (legal drinking age in the U.S. - not that it means anything to him since he really doesn't drink that much)
February: nothing
March: MO turns 24 and my sister turns 60 something
April: Steve and I took a two week trip to Mexico (loads of fun, went to an all-inclusive ADULTS only resort ....pure bliss!)

May: FO turns 26 and is still living at home (why? I believe it is due to the fact that I'm still cooking with it is free to live with me)

JUNE (and a couple of days at the end of May)'s where it gets exciting. My niece (Little Miss Party NYC) as you know has a home in the Hamps. She is now expecting her second child and her sister is getting married in September.

We were invited out to visit for a few days (and she had a PROJECT list of "things to do" for us during our stay). Steve (being the "expert" gardener and handy "manny" had the majority of the LIST). He also decided it would be "fun"  to ride his new red motorcycle out to New York via Nunavut. Needless to say, for the past two months, he has been planning his route to the Hamptons via Google Maps. Each and every day (and most nights) he would plan an ALTERNATE route.

His new two-wheeler was now equipped with, *baffle-free pipes (*obnoxiously loud), cruise control, highway pegs (these resemble the stirrups you place your feet into for a pap smear *I'm not joking*), a cup holder, iphone holder, stereo system, extra leather bags with various pockets, bungie cords, some really weird looking side view mirrors that are shaped like wings...oh and let's not forget the TASSELS because he thinks his motorcyle is so sizzling hot it could be a STRIPPER.

To be honest with you, I was waiting for him to install a shower head and a toilet on that thing but I think he's going to wait until the Fall to add those extra options.

He also purchased a mountable GPS that would only work if he was OUTSIDE and facing in the right direction. This GPS unit worked perfectly until the night before Steve left for New York. It stopped picking up a signal which resulted in my husband running IN and OUT of the house programming and reprogramming the thing until he declared it DEFECTIVE. Next stop? BEST BUY at 8:53 p.m. to return and exchange the unit for one that worked exactly the same suggestion was to buy a compass but he wouldn't listen.

Tough choices were next...Should he go through Buffalo or should he go through Kingston and Syracuse. As I researched this myself I couldn't understand why you would take a longer route over a shorter route but what do I know? I get on an airplane and shorten the trip by 10 hours. He promised me that he wouldn't be "stupid" and would stop to take an overnight "rest" in a motel/hotel by splitting the 8 to 9 hour trip. My thoughts on his "ride" were two-fold....first of all, I couldn't fathom sitting on an open air vehicle for more than 10 minutes at a time and secondly, I was worried sick that he would get squished like a bug on one of the interstate highways resulting in ......ME dating again....ugh.

At approximately, 11 a.m. on Wednesday May 30th, Steve departed from our home in Thornhill. He sent me a goodbye picture and off he went (heading north to drive south). When I opened the photo on my blackberry I couldn't help but notice the similarity between my husband and Snoopy. Let's just refer to him as Snoopy Sheffer (S.S.) during the course of his ride shall we?
Even though S.S. took out a very fancy data plan with FIDO (which is fitting since he looks like Snoopy anyways) he decided it would be better to TEXT me instead of call me throughout his journey.

TEXT #1 @ 3:53 p.m. - "SOUTH OF SYRACUSE...onward we go"

my thoughts....( ...who is "we"? Him and his bike?)


my thoughts...(S.S. is lost somewhere between Nunavut and the Tijuana Border).... (Snoopy could be speaking Spanish shortly)

TEXT#3 @ 7:22 p.m. - "20 to NEW YORK CITY"

my thoughts...(20 what? days? hours? minutes? miles? what?)

TEXT#4 @ 7:58 p.m. - "ABOUT TWO HOURS TO GO"

my thoughts...(S.S. is renegotiating the promise to NOT be stupid and is forfeiting his overnight stay in a hotel)

TEXT#5 @ 8:00 p.m. - "Y"

my first thought...(Y what?) my second thought was (he couldn't type more than the letter Y before he was thrown off his bike over a cliff)

TEXT#5 @ 10:25 p.m. - "I'm you in 5 min"

my first thought...(RELIEF....S.S. is alive and well in the Hamptons....11.5 hours after departing NORTH TO GO SOUTH). My second thought was....if you are going to travel for almost 12 hours why wouldn't you just go to someplace like New Zealand?

Fast forward to the next day. We will call it Debi's day of Travel. DDOT. Just a reminder, I'm not a good flyer nor am I relaxed the night before the DOT (day of travel). The one thing I do is organize myself WAAAAAAY ahead of departure. Does anyone else on this earth pack 3 weeks in advance? Is this normal? Just so you understand..... I don't actually pack my clothes in a suitcase 21 days prior to the flight but do however organize my wardrobe and set it aside (usually placed in an area which my two cats will sit on while trying to GET INTO my luggage). The toiletries are another story. It takes me just as long to transfer liquids from large economy size bottles to the mini travel containers as it does to fly to the destination. I also have an issue of packing TOO much for trips and have to weigh myself and my suitcase to see what it's going to cost me to haul that baggage on the plane.

I refer to this anomaly as "deserted island syndrome". If G-d forbid I happen to be on an ill fated flight that crashes on a deserted island...I will be the only survivor who has enough clothing to last me until the rescue while still looking cute sipping coconut juice straight from the swaying palms not to mention spear-fishing with a tree branch. Right?

I'm lucky enough to have YO as my personal airline Limo driver (in my vehicle of course). Can we talk about the way YO drives for a second? Keeping in mind he has been driving for about 5 years now...he is a 21 year old kid with what I would consider a slight physical weakness. BORN with a LEAD right foot, he has a passion for SPEED.  As we make our way onto the 407 Hwy (note*: speed limit is 100km* per hour), he takes the on ramp merge lane at 120km. After the initial screech from the passenger seat "YOU ARE GOING TO FAST AND I'M GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK!", he then states his theory of driving on this highway. You see, EVERYONE goes at least 20 to 30 km's over the speed limit as it is an EXPRESS TOLL ROUTE. If he happens to be one of the SLOW drivers on the highway, EVERYONE will pass him, get pissed and increase his odds of having an accident for going too SLOW. Therefore, the excuse to turn the 407 into the INDIE 500 track is acceptable to all who travel on it.
He also suggested that I continue checking my blackberry for emails so that I won't see "what's going on". Good idea.
As we make our way toward Pearson International Airport my stomach starts doing it's usual topsy turvy turns because I can spot an airplane on the runway. YO then explains that I shouldn't worry because if the plane crashes " I won't feel a thing". Comforting to know.

I kiss and hug him in public as he makes his way back into the car to PEEL away in an instant, leaving me, my blue overpacked suitcase and my FOOIE (fake Louis Vuitton) carry-on curbside. As a new addition to my FOOIE I purchased a handy dandy luggage carrier so that I wouldn't have to break my arm with this insanely heavy bag. I checked in and make my way to US Customs. The officer took my passport and scanned it. He then asked me what I do for a living. I answered politely.."I'm an Executive Assistant". He then scans my passport again. Looks me and asks "what do you do for a living'? Huh? Didn't he hear me the first time? I then tell him the same thing. Small talk ensues and next thing I know I am wishing I could trade this repeat interrogation by immigration for a full body scan.

Just an FYI...the reason that my FOOIE is so heavy is because I pack ALL my toiletries in it. Why? It's a trust issue. If I don't have my select products by my feet I risk losing them to the LCA (luggage conspiracy act). There is no way I want my "stuff" ending up in another country by mistake. Let's just say that when I arrived at La Guardia airport with my Granny Grocery Cart my niece almost refused to let me into her vehicle but laughed it off when I promised to by her a Big Mac on our way out to the house.

After much anticipation to see my great-nephew Mr. G. this is the what I was greeted with....

as you can see..... he's thrilled to see his Auntie D.

Stay with me for the next adventure titled.......Welcome to Camp Hamps! Coming to Narsbar soon.

p.s. (my handle on my carry-on broke...despite the fact that I had the GGC (Granny Grocery Cart)
and to that I say..."FOOIE ON MY LOUIS".

1 comment:

  1. You make my heart full and my bum hurt. I love you to death Coach T.