Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Leapin Gizzards there was Sex in the City!

Just after I arrived home from Aruba there was an planned event that my friend and I were really looking forward to......The Premiere, YES Premiere..... of...... Sex and the City 2! We purchased tickets through the Baycrest Foundation (Baycrest is an Old Age Home/Hospital). Admission was $125 each and the proceeds went to Brain Research at the hospital (no tax receipt issued because I don't know why). With the price of these tickets we were both certain that our brains should be researched to see if we had any. Who pays that amount of money to see a movie? Only us and 500 other crazy women. We decided that the purpose of this evening was to get out, have fun and watch our favorite four women entertain us with their escapades through the most anticipated sequel since....  um....maybe the Star Wars Trilogy?

We both counted down the days until the Toronto Premiere while in New York my niece was preparing to go to the REAL deal. You see, when you live in New York, home of the inception of Sex and the City, there is a difference in what transpires when they premiere the movie in the Big Apple. Here's a comparison of what we experienced -TORONTO V.S. NEW YORK:

  • In Toronto we bought our tickets because of someone who knows my email address.

  • In NYC my niece was invited to attend the Premiere because of who she knows.

  • In Toronto we looked through our closets to choose an outfit for the evening.

  • In NYC my niece had a one-of-a-kind dress designed and tailored for her exclusively.

  • In Toronto you venture downtown in rush hour to find a parking spot in the underground.

  • In NYC you walk behind the entire cast of Sex and the City who are working the Red Carpet

  • In Toronto you need to arrive an hour and a half early to get a pair of good seats in the theatre

  • In NYC you can arrive fashionably late and sit two rows behind Sarah Jessica Parker.

  • In Toronto you are given free popcorn (we took 4 bags) and water for the movie.

  • In NYC you are given free range of all the glitz and glamour

  • In Toronto you get your picture taken with Jeanne Beker ( Host of Fashion Television)

  • In NYC you are photographed with THE STARS OF SEX AND THE CITY.

  • In Toronto you have to fight for your hors d'eouvres at the After Party

  • In NYC you have to fight for a moment to chat with SJP at the After Party.

And as theme song from SATC2 goes... " In New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of"'s big, it's loud, it's crowded and it's the only place on earth that Sarah, Kim, Kristen and Cynthia would be.......whereas we still are waiting to have our heads examined for spending $250 to go see a movie. Would we do it again? UH a New York City minute we would.

So during the time I was "coming down" from the excitement of our big premiere night, Steve was planning a Food Network Show "EXPERIENCE". He decided it would be a wonderful idea for him and his buddy Jimmy to hop on their motorcyles and map out a U.S. three State tour shadowing the show Diners, Drive-ins and Dives that celebrity chef Guy Fieri hosts. The itinerary was as follows:

Leaving on a Friday they drove to Lansing, Michigan to a small town called Pottersville. What's so special about Pottersville? Well, let me tell you. It's home to Joe's Gizzard City Restaurant! Have you ever heard of Joe and his gizzards? Neither have I even though I watch the show religiously. Oh, and have YOU ever heard of a gizzard? I seem to recall this delicacy included in a Jewish dish that my mother used to make - it`s called Fricassee. A fricassee is a combination of gross chicken internal organs and limbs. Does this sound appetizing to you? Let me say that if you haven`t tried it you don't know what you`re missing in life. My favorite part of a fricassee are the chicken pippiks. Are you wondering what the hell a "pippik" is ? I will try to explain this to you in simple terms. A pippik is what we Jews refer to as a belly button, however do chickens have pippiks? Last time I looked at a chicken I didn't notice a pippik. Everyone has a yours an innie or an outie? I bet you are all looking at your pippiks right now. Are you confused yet? In some species such as fowl a gizzard is found in the intestinal portion or stomach. Still with me? How about your craving for pippiks?

It is three hundred and fifty miles from Toronto to Joe's Gizzard City Restaurant. My husband and his friend drove three hundred and fifty miles to eat deep fried pippiks. Ask me if this sounds like fun? Not only did the tour include gizzards, pizza and flytraps there was also a need to try the Triple D burger as well. It`s a half a pound of ground beef prepared on the grill topped with cheese and fixins. Is that all? No. I'm getting to the good part. Once the hamburger is prepared in a normal fashion they then take the whole sucker and dip in a sludgey batter. This concoction is then DEEP FRIED and stabbed with a knife through the centre. Similar to a reaction you will get after you eat it......the sensation of a knife stabbing through your heart from all the cholesterol running through your ateries. Yum. What else did they serve in this artery clogging zero star establishment?.....dessert of course! How did they prepare their desserts? Guess. Bingo....deep fried. Steve pondered over the deep fried cheesecake, deep fried Frinkie (which is really a fried twinkie) or the Gizzard City Gusher (deep fried ice cream sandwich with caramel sauce). After eating a plate of gizzards and a hamburger doused in oil and cheese he made an executive decision to skip dessert and save room for the next stop on the tour......good move since he was about to become a human Gizzard City Gusher.

Next stop - Ferndale, Michigan - The Fly Trap Restaurant. Their specialty? Red Chili Salmon Burgers. First of all.......I have been making really good salmon patties for years. Has anyone ever driven four hundred miles to ME for a salmon patty? Okay, now let`s continue. There was an issue of what else was consumed on this trip. The majority of the food was FRIED. DEEP DEEP DEEP FRIED. Is deep fried food good for you? Do I need to answer that? The two motorcylists had come across two issues during their Tour de Grease. One of which was "wind" and the other of which was "rain". During the trip they had encountered some nasty wet weather conditions throughout their ride. The wind was another story - resulting from the food I suspect. On the first leg of the tour they found themselves trapped under a bridge while their motorcyles sat below them.

As you all know me very well by idea of a holiday leans towards  a five star hotel, soft breezes, palm trees swaying, the sun kissing my hmm hmm's and of course good service and fine dining. I can't quite picture myself lying under a bridge. With that said, it is time to move on to the subject of men. I realize that this particular subject may require a separate blog that would be at least as long as WAR & PEACE so I will keep it simple. Here we go. And by the way I'm not going to sterotype ALL men, just the one I'm married to. Steve is the outdoorsey type. He walks around the exterior of the house with bare feet. This drives me INSANE. When I witness him doing this I ask "Steve are you planning on coming inside the house with those feet"? To which he replies "Yes, of course, you never say anything to the boys when they walk outside in their socks". How is that the same? Are their feet touching the ground outside? No, there are socks between their feet and the ground. What is my point here? I will tell you. Steve doesn't mind getting his feet wet or dirty for that matter. Whether it's on tour across the United States to eat fried crap or outside in the garden or driveway, he's just a simple man with simple tastes. They do say opposites attract. He scubas, I pool. He skydives, I fly enclosed. He fishes, I buy fish at Loblaws. He fixes things, I break things. He runs, I fall. He eats chocolate covered insects, I kill anything that crawls. He lies under a bridge, I lie on the lounge chair with an ice tea. Do we love each other? Yes. Do I know why? ..because he's Steve.

We now continue to Cleveland which is 150 miles from Ferndale, Michigan. Steve has now clocked about six hundred and fifty miles between home and his next meal. Geraci's Restaurant is famous for it's pie. Not apple pie or blueberry pie but PIZZA pie. The pizza is made with an assortment of meats. Pepperoni, bacon, ground meat, ham and mushrooms. Here's my question again. Why travel over six hundred miles for a pizza when there's 967-1111 delivery? Do you see a pattern here? The further away you travel from home the more apt you are to find junk food exactly like we have in Toronto. Duh.

Now that the two of these Nars were finishing "discovering" America it was finally time to hike their stuffed bellies back to Canada. The Google Map route veered them through another state, PENNSYLVANIA - this time  there were no plans to stop for a Triple D Tour restaurant but instead to a Walmart store. Reason for locating an all purpose sporting goods store? WIND. Real honest to goodness "Dorothy are we in Kansas?" type wind. Due to the extreme weather conditions the motorcyclists ran into a slight problem. They thought they were both prepared..... and in their handy dandy saddle-bags lay two rain gear suits that were made from water-proof fabric. The reality of these suits was they were good for shit.  These so-called rain suits were passable for a light drizzle but not twister type breezes. As soon as they donned them and sped across the interstate highways at excessive speeds the suits disintegrated blue shard by blue shard.  Basically, Steve rode through wind, sleet, hail and torrential rains in nothing more than a plastic table cloth. As the pieces of his suit ripped and flew off his body landing on Jimmy who was riding behind him, he knew he had no choice but to pull over and buy something more suitable for the balance of the gruelling ride back into my arms. He purchased an item called frog-wear. It resembles a hazmat suit. Now he could safely ride back to Toronto and also be comfortable coming in contact with hazardous materials or substances such as fried food.

I waited with baited breath to see him walk through our front door on Sunday night. One thousand miles of traveling, three unforgettable days of eating oil coated foods and two rainsuits later, he arrived. I was so happy to see him alive because to be quite honest, I really didn't want to date again.

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